It seems that these days we seem to encircle ourselves with way more than we can handle. Social media combined with homework doesn't mix yet we do it nonetheless. Relationships get tangled, we meet new people. We assume that this should be easier than it is right now, that things could be better. But we aren't looking at things the right way, at least I'm not, rather I wasn't. This is life, what do you expect? Things are slowly unwinding and unrolling into chaos. We show up to class all happy and then when we go home we face the grim reality that is us. All this "wasted" potential, mind the quotes, we have is just adding to the copious amounts of pressure. Things used to be so simple, but yet, they never really were. They only seemed that way. Posts used to be about music artists and news, now they're lengths of abstract thought taped together to ideas and ideals and truths. As I'm slowly starting to realize why I started blogging I begin to travel into the deep machinations of my conscious ideas. The ideas were simple: get my opinion out there for others to share, interact, etc. But this is more than just that.
It seems as though I've evolved through all this. Some people might not be contempt with the things I post. But that's life, people will hate you, people will love you, that's life. Those 2 words have never meant to me more than they do now. As I sit here with red eyes staring at the screen, feeling liquids surrounding my pupils I wonder why. Not about the hardships of life, nor about the happiness. All of that comes with experiences and getting out there. But more of these trivial things. School being one. Having a consciousness that allows you to wake up and realize what you're really doing. It's like I just don't give a fuck. Neither in the good or bad way. But in the way that I'm conscious of why I don't care. I care way too much about unnecessary bullshit and not the things that matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or having trouble in my life. I'm in a very good point actually. It's only that, all these realizations of what life really is gets you thinking. It gets you thinking of the freedoms you really possess, who cares about you, what you want out of life, in general: things about you. We often dismiss this and focus on other people's expectations while failing to fulfill our own, quite sad actually. And that's what it comes down to really. Whether you fulfilled your expectations or someone else's. For the life of me I can't get myself to do a simple Chemistry assignment. And the more I think about it, it scares me because what if I'm this lazy next year? At the same time, I dislike the sciences strongly and I chose courses specifically for next year because I'm going to do what I want. It used to be so simple. Write a test, get a good grade, see friends. It was the perfect equation, it worked for several years. And then we grew apart, everyone did. We made new friends, tried new things, changed. But what is life without change? Simply a waste of time.
And as much as I'd love to inspire you all with a speech of some sort, I won't. Because I believe what I write is more than that. It's more than something that you can copy and paste onto a Facebook status and sound inspirational. I'm more than that. What I say is tangible, in the sense that you can feel it. You've felt what I felt/feel at one point in your life. It's not simply the loss of innocence, it's more than that. Maybe what I'm writing is grim, maybe it's not. But I seem to have lost the will to care. And that's what scares me the most. Because I've realized that this is life, and I can simply do what I please. I understand the repercussions of that, more than you'd think. And so I act accordingly. But tonight, I seem to be on an irregular path. There's nothing wrong with me, not suffering from depression. I'm not taking drugs of any kind. I've jumped from topic to topic and lost track of all sense. The people that needed to understand this post did, to those that didn't: don't worry, another one will be up in a couple weeks time. Another thing I've realized. People just don't care. They don't care enough to send you a card, to ask how you're doing over the phone, to surprise you at your locker, we're losing a touch of humanity as we do less and less of this. Maybe I'm overthinking and maybe I'm not. I already have all of this sitting in my head with my own level of understanding. What you take out of this post is up to you. One more thing. Time is the most precious thing you can give to someone, think about it. It cannot be sold, returned, bargained for, etc. Who you spend your time with, you can't take that back. You're going to look back at all the memories at one point, both bad and good, and reminisce. Think wisely who you give your time to. I hope that you go to sleep tonight knowing that tomorrow's going to be better, that someone out there is waiting to say "Hey!" to you in the morning. I just hope you learn something, anything. Farewell to you, my thoughts, everything. Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, Post it.
Cheers, MarkL
It seems as though I've evolved through all this. Some people might not be contempt with the things I post. But that's life, people will hate you, people will love you, that's life. Those 2 words have never meant to me more than they do now. As I sit here with red eyes staring at the screen, feeling liquids surrounding my pupils I wonder why. Not about the hardships of life, nor about the happiness. All of that comes with experiences and getting out there. But more of these trivial things. School being one. Having a consciousness that allows you to wake up and realize what you're really doing. It's like I just don't give a fuck. Neither in the good or bad way. But in the way that I'm conscious of why I don't care. I care way too much about unnecessary bullshit and not the things that matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or having trouble in my life. I'm in a very good point actually. It's only that, all these realizations of what life really is gets you thinking. It gets you thinking of the freedoms you really possess, who cares about you, what you want out of life, in general: things about you. We often dismiss this and focus on other people's expectations while failing to fulfill our own, quite sad actually. And that's what it comes down to really. Whether you fulfilled your expectations or someone else's. For the life of me I can't get myself to do a simple Chemistry assignment. And the more I think about it, it scares me because what if I'm this lazy next year? At the same time, I dislike the sciences strongly and I chose courses specifically for next year because I'm going to do what I want. It used to be so simple. Write a test, get a good grade, see friends. It was the perfect equation, it worked for several years. And then we grew apart, everyone did. We made new friends, tried new things, changed. But what is life without change? Simply a waste of time.
And as much as I'd love to inspire you all with a speech of some sort, I won't. Because I believe what I write is more than that. It's more than something that you can copy and paste onto a Facebook status and sound inspirational. I'm more than that. What I say is tangible, in the sense that you can feel it. You've felt what I felt/feel at one point in your life. It's not simply the loss of innocence, it's more than that. Maybe what I'm writing is grim, maybe it's not. But I seem to have lost the will to care. And that's what scares me the most. Because I've realized that this is life, and I can simply do what I please. I understand the repercussions of that, more than you'd think. And so I act accordingly. But tonight, I seem to be on an irregular path. There's nothing wrong with me, not suffering from depression. I'm not taking drugs of any kind. I've jumped from topic to topic and lost track of all sense. The people that needed to understand this post did, to those that didn't: don't worry, another one will be up in a couple weeks time. Another thing I've realized. People just don't care. They don't care enough to send you a card, to ask how you're doing over the phone, to surprise you at your locker, we're losing a touch of humanity as we do less and less of this. Maybe I'm overthinking and maybe I'm not. I already have all of this sitting in my head with my own level of understanding. What you take out of this post is up to you. One more thing. Time is the most precious thing you can give to someone, think about it. It cannot be sold, returned, bargained for, etc. Who you spend your time with, you can't take that back. You're going to look back at all the memories at one point, both bad and good, and reminisce. Think wisely who you give your time to. I hope that you go to sleep tonight knowing that tomorrow's going to be better, that someone out there is waiting to say "Hey!" to you in the morning. I just hope you learn something, anything. Farewell to you, my thoughts, everything. Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, Post it.
Cheers, MarkL
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