Kind of been wondering if my blog is still relevant, to me at least. Haven't written anything in a LONG while so I guess I might as well now. A lot has happened in the last week guys :) one of my possible dreams has come one step closer. Well a week or two before that I was sick and so I watched the movie "Her" which I HIGHLY recommend watching. And in general the past school year I've learned a lot about people, human condition, etc. Really shitty intro but hey, the best is yet to come.
So, the dream I was talking about? In the last 7 days I have been accepted to 3 Universities of the 4 that I applied to. Which include Carleton, Windsor, and Ottawa. Still waiting on Ryerson but you guys know I'm still going to pick Ottawa for English. I probably didn't post this before but exams didn't go so well for me, the average for them was around 70% or so I think. And my average at the time was 80% which went down to 76% with the next report card, 1% above the needed average to be accepted into my program. Their acceptance average percentage is an 85% meaning the people that they accept have an overall average of 85%. Since I attend a non-semestered school we have 4 report cards which work like this:
-October/November report card is just a place marker to let you know how you're doing. Teachers don't often give out a lot of assignments so this report card isn't an accurate depiction of your mark.
-January report card which is given out after exams which is a MUCH more accurate representation of your mark because you've had enough marks now from both assignments and exams to show your strengths to Universities. This report card is around the time that applications are sent out, January 15th, and so this report card can get you INTO Universities but can't keep you out.
-April report card is your last chance to get into University if January report card didn't get you in, a second chance in a way.
By SOME remarkable spell of unbe-fucking-lievable luck I got in with the marks from my January report card. Although my English mark was at a 73% which I think is 2% under what they were asking for. I'm not going to question it however, there's an immense amount of luck that I've been graced with the past 4 years. Regardless of all that noise all I have to do now is keep my average above a 73% which right now it's at a steady 76% and climbing higher with every assignment. So now with my acceptance to Ottawa I can breathe a lot easier. The point of this section of the post wasn't to brag, otherwise I'd be more condescending (which some people think I already write like, if so then feel free to tell me). The points of this as with any of my posts is to show another side of the coin.
You see, for a very long time I have struggled with the idea of success and what it meant to me. I've never had a medal or certificate to show off my accomplishments. That's why I'd imagine sports is so popular at some schools more than others: it gives you a physical reward (both physical and medal wise). Whereas at others people have an easier time adjusting to the idea of having your knowledge as an achievement within itself. I've never been the genius in the class, I like to see myself as the kid that's always got something to say (regardless of whether it's intelligent or not). A pop culture reference, obscure question, anecdote, etc. Well combine that and a series of my hobbies that I've never invested enough time to go professional into and you've got yourself an existential crisis of sorts. I remember quite clearly how I felt after exams, I wanted to forget them and move on forever. Except I knew that the clock was ticking incessantly in the back of my mind.
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
TICK TOCK
That's how I'd imagine it at least and I was bound to blow any minute. Who would've thought that simply cutting vegetables would send me over the "edge". Well there I was having one of those grandiose conversations with myself, going over the choices that I've made and what I felt about them. Because for the longest time I struggled to reach the top. Always in the 2nd spot, chair, order, etc. It didn't seem as though that I'd ever reach that coveted 90%, A+, 1st place, you get it. And so I kept replaying this message to myself over and over again questioning my motives and why I can't be more like everyone else around me: studious, and passionate about the science and maths. For those moments I deeply wished with every fiber of my being that I could love math and science like any other senior does (this is a generalization, it's for emphasis and not realism). It's not that I hated myself, I wouldn't go that far. But I deeply and honestly wished I was different as I collapsed on the kitchen floor, Swiss knife in hand. Why am I starting a "pity party"? Because at the time I wanted nothing more than to be accepted somehow into University. Because when you hear the words "you might as well stay for a 5th year" something breaks inside. My "performance" at the exams didn't help anything either and my indecisiveness was starting to show.
Then school started and I felt a little more at ease, now I had until April to improve and I set out to do exactly that. Soon enough everyone around me started to get University acceptances, here's where everything heightened. You guys know me well enough that I wouldn't dislike someone or be jealous of someone just because they may be happier, but it's really discouraging when the person next to you gets accepted before you. You want to be happy for them, like they've won the city finals championship, but you're in the same competition and your possible future lies on it. So what can you do? Smile and move on, that's all you can do in my opinion and I did exactly that. Tried not to think about it much either, avoiding Facebook didn't work because I'd hear it in the halls anyways. It seems almost taboo to talk about it too, you wouldn't want to offend people by telling them how you got in and them telling you they haven't. But from that point of view it sucked ass, unlike anything else. And what's worse is you've most likely matured to the point to realize that the choices that you have made have brought you here and there's nobody else to blame. So all you can do is wait, and wait you will. I hope everyone has the opportunity to see both sides of the coin in terms of University acceptances, both the waiting and happiness of approval. But yeah keep what I said in mind next time you bring up the topic of acceptances, maybe it might help.
The humanity portion of my post I'll get to later don't you worry. In another post most likely. This post has already been dragged out for 2 days, if I drag it out to any more then it'll lose its flavor. Enjoy it while you can.
Cheers, MarkL
So, the dream I was talking about? In the last 7 days I have been accepted to 3 Universities of the 4 that I applied to. Which include Carleton, Windsor, and Ottawa. Still waiting on Ryerson but you guys know I'm still going to pick Ottawa for English. I probably didn't post this before but exams didn't go so well for me, the average for them was around 70% or so I think. And my average at the time was 80% which went down to 76% with the next report card, 1% above the needed average to be accepted into my program. Their acceptance average percentage is an 85% meaning the people that they accept have an overall average of 85%. Since I attend a non-semestered school we have 4 report cards which work like this:
-October/November report card is just a place marker to let you know how you're doing. Teachers don't often give out a lot of assignments so this report card isn't an accurate depiction of your mark.
-January report card which is given out after exams which is a MUCH more accurate representation of your mark because you've had enough marks now from both assignments and exams to show your strengths to Universities. This report card is around the time that applications are sent out, January 15th, and so this report card can get you INTO Universities but can't keep you out.
-April report card is your last chance to get into University if January report card didn't get you in, a second chance in a way.
By SOME remarkable spell of unbe-fucking-lievable luck I got in with the marks from my January report card. Although my English mark was at a 73% which I think is 2% under what they were asking for. I'm not going to question it however, there's an immense amount of luck that I've been graced with the past 4 years. Regardless of all that noise all I have to do now is keep my average above a 73% which right now it's at a steady 76% and climbing higher with every assignment. So now with my acceptance to Ottawa I can breathe a lot easier. The point of this section of the post wasn't to brag, otherwise I'd be more condescending (which some people think I already write like, if so then feel free to tell me). The points of this as with any of my posts is to show another side of the coin.
You see, for a very long time I have struggled with the idea of success and what it meant to me. I've never had a medal or certificate to show off my accomplishments. That's why I'd imagine sports is so popular at some schools more than others: it gives you a physical reward (both physical and medal wise). Whereas at others people have an easier time adjusting to the idea of having your knowledge as an achievement within itself. I've never been the genius in the class, I like to see myself as the kid that's always got something to say (regardless of whether it's intelligent or not). A pop culture reference, obscure question, anecdote, etc. Well combine that and a series of my hobbies that I've never invested enough time to go professional into and you've got yourself an existential crisis of sorts. I remember quite clearly how I felt after exams, I wanted to forget them and move on forever. Except I knew that the clock was ticking incessantly in the back of my mind.
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
tick tock
TICK TOCK
That's how I'd imagine it at least and I was bound to blow any minute. Who would've thought that simply cutting vegetables would send me over the "edge". Well there I was having one of those grandiose conversations with myself, going over the choices that I've made and what I felt about them. Because for the longest time I struggled to reach the top. Always in the 2nd spot, chair, order, etc. It didn't seem as though that I'd ever reach that coveted 90%, A+, 1st place, you get it. And so I kept replaying this message to myself over and over again questioning my motives and why I can't be more like everyone else around me: studious, and passionate about the science and maths. For those moments I deeply wished with every fiber of my being that I could love math and science like any other senior does (this is a generalization, it's for emphasis and not realism). It's not that I hated myself, I wouldn't go that far. But I deeply and honestly wished I was different as I collapsed on the kitchen floor, Swiss knife in hand. Why am I starting a "pity party"? Because at the time I wanted nothing more than to be accepted somehow into University. Because when you hear the words "you might as well stay for a 5th year" something breaks inside. My "performance" at the exams didn't help anything either and my indecisiveness was starting to show.
Then school started and I felt a little more at ease, now I had until April to improve and I set out to do exactly that. Soon enough everyone around me started to get University acceptances, here's where everything heightened. You guys know me well enough that I wouldn't dislike someone or be jealous of someone just because they may be happier, but it's really discouraging when the person next to you gets accepted before you. You want to be happy for them, like they've won the city finals championship, but you're in the same competition and your possible future lies on it. So what can you do? Smile and move on, that's all you can do in my opinion and I did exactly that. Tried not to think about it much either, avoiding Facebook didn't work because I'd hear it in the halls anyways. It seems almost taboo to talk about it too, you wouldn't want to offend people by telling them how you got in and them telling you they haven't. But from that point of view it sucked ass, unlike anything else. And what's worse is you've most likely matured to the point to realize that the choices that you have made have brought you here and there's nobody else to blame. So all you can do is wait, and wait you will. I hope everyone has the opportunity to see both sides of the coin in terms of University acceptances, both the waiting and happiness of approval. But yeah keep what I said in mind next time you bring up the topic of acceptances, maybe it might help.
The humanity portion of my post I'll get to later don't you worry. In another post most likely. This post has already been dragged out for 2 days, if I drag it out to any more then it'll lose its flavor. Enjoy it while you can.
Cheers, MarkL
