So it's been what, almost 20 days? Not the longest gap I've had but it's pretty lengthy. Got a lot of stuff to cover right now so just bear/bare with me. I'll tell you this much, I got a full incense stick right now. As soon as I started buying organically made brands it completely changed the way I treat the product. I rarely buy from convenience stores anymore, often I head down to a head shop (a store where Cannabis related products are sold) and purchase their hand made selection. And boy do they have quite the selection, sticks by the plenty and over 30 types to choose from. Some people enjoy candles, Glade, and wine even. Hell, I'll take all 3 on a rainy day if I could but I think I'll stick to my incense sticks. This post might take longer than usual not only because it'll be long as always, but also because my "t" key has decided to commit suicide. By that I mean it works 50% of the time and so I'll have to open up my keyboard sometime soon for its operation. Man now that I think about it, I got a lot on my mind right now and I'm not sure if I should censor some of my thoughts. Simply on the basis that I know how certain people will react to the contents of this post. But then again I haven't been one to support censorship so I guess I'll go ahead and write everything I think about. Alright well let's get to it shall we?
Some of us have this notion that we think what real work is, but who are we to say? What I mean is, when you come home all tired from school and you exhale what seems to be your last breath and say "Time to relax with some TV" you're making such a monumental mistake. To be honest, I did exactly what I just described on a regular basis before so don't think that I'm judging any of you. I remember the day I stopped uttering those vile words very vividly surprisingly, it wasn't life changing but it did have an impact on me. It was the summer that I started my yard work operation, I'm pretty sure it was my second/third time working or so I believe. As I made the final walk to my home I thought to myself "Man, all that school shit isn't getting you tired. Even at this moment you don't deserve a break just cause you did some yard work. So what, you sat with your nose in a book for a couple hours means you're tired? Congratulations, that's called being a student." For that moment in time I realized what being tired was because that was the first time in months that I pushed myself to my limit, but not beyond (there's a difference). And so I try to apply this whenever I feel "tired". Try it, try questioning yourself when you just want to be left alone. Try getting to that point where you're just pissed at everything and you repeat to yourself "You did this to yourself, and only you can get out of this." Maybe that's not a reasonable thing to say at ANY moment, of course it goes on a case by case basis. But hell, that's what I've been facing lately and crawling out of the damned pit is only the beginning. The "pit" is simply a metaphor for a number of things: my education, lack of organization/management, carelessness, etc. Back to the work "conundrum" that I seem to be facing, and maybe you are too. Even with all the reading that I've been doing over the Summer, which honestly isn't a lot. I'm still not getting far with it all, and unless I buckle down for this year then I won't get anywhere. Every time I tell people about my Harvard plan they look at me through a different light. "Damn this kid has got his shit together if he wants to not only apply to Harvard but possibly make it." It's a personal goal and I only get 1 shot at it, whether I make it or not is something I'm getting very close to erasing from my mind as of this point. Uncertainty doesn't help in this situation especially, so I think to aid in my "purge" I'll start talking about it less and keep it on a need-to-know basis with the ones close to me. Don't expect status updates, this isn't exactly a weight loss goal. This is something that has the potential of changing my life and I don't think that bothering people with mind-numbing details helps anyone. As I stated before, I have no idea what real work is. I will most likely never know until I get down to it right? The reason I bring that up is to simply tell you: question everything about yourself. At least for the time being, while you have time to fix yourself do us all a favor including yourself and question you. Your habits, sleeping cycle, successes, failures, hobbies, etc. Am I doing the right thing? Are these the right choices? Hell you might even be ahead of schedule and turned your entire life around. In that case congrats, now get to it and keep excelling. With all this "work" I got left to do, I don't have a clue how I'm going to finish it. By that I mean I have no set timer or schedule. There's a lot of grey area when it comes to studying anything. Finished reading your Biology textbook? Read the University version. Finished all of that? Go read some peer journals. Done that? Go ahead and discover something yourself and write about it. The only limits that exist are the ones you instill on yourself. There's no checklist to go by, nobody to hold your hand and say you're doing a good job. So get out there and do something worthwhile. Not to the point where you come home and say "Aahhhh it was a good day." No, beyond that. What can possibly be past that you may ask? Well I can only assume that it is the following thoughts "What do I have left to do for tomorrow? How could I have done today's tasks better? Where did I go wrong today?" When you start questioning your "perfection" that is when the work comes. "Today is the day of the rest of your life" don't fucking waste it.
Ok so another thing I gotta cover, don't expect to move on by simply wanting to. In fact, don't expect anything in your life to happen by simply wanting it to. Hell, I want to become a model for this year's Fashion Show. But there's no way that can happen unless I look appealing to the judges. And you all know that my audition will entail one of the dumbest things you'll ever see. I don't even know what I'm gonna do until I get on that stage so stay tuned. Sure I may not have the body, but I can be one hell of a dance partner. I also can't expect to do anything with my life without trying a couple of new things here and there, or finishing my tasks for that matter. Back to the "moving on" part of this "paragraph". Doing it is very hard sometimes, whether it's a band that's lost you as a fan or someone you were close to but had to end it off for the better. And it'll suck sometimes, trust me on that. No matter how badly you want it to go away, it won't.........until you MAKE it. 3 very close people in the span of 365 days have left my life, and none of them wanted to. The circumstances at the time made it very hard for any relationship to exist, but that was the easy part to accept. What made it harder was moving on, at which point you come to a plateau in the midst of it all. Which is where I am right now actually, and not only because of those 3 people. But because I have had to abandon all sense of carelessness towards everything in my life. I used to be genuinely happy 24/7 and that was all that I needed. In my time of need I'd whip out one to two inspirational quotes and that would be my quick-fix method that made me forget all my worries. But once you realize how wrong you have been, once the illusion comes crashing down at you. There is nothing as crushing as that, or at least nothing I've experienced other than finding out the divorce of my parents. I can't say that I am satisfied with my life right now because I know I could be doing so much better. But I can confidently say I know what road to take and what goals I need to conquer in order to get there. It isn't that I'm in a bad place right now, no not at all. I just find myself thinking more about things that matter than things that don't. I wanted a simple life and so I set out to get it, I got it and now I find myself dissatisfied. And so now, I want a fulfilling life full of meaning. All I gotta do is go after it, that's a good place to start right? So whatever problem you may have, move the fuck on. I strongly urge you to reconsider what you are doing in your life if you aren't certain with it. And if you are certain with who you have become, then by all means keep going until you hit the inevitable speed bump.
Damn what was I going to write about? I guess this post isn't as long as what some of you may have expected. But I feel satisfied with it, for now of course. I will most likely write a post this coming Monday, seeing as how school starts on Tuesday and a conclusion to the Summer is best celebrated in a blog post. I set out to make it two months worth of self exploration, and all I have realized is that I've barely scratched the surface of it all. But that's what I like about it, there are plenty shards of my character that I am yet to discover. Then again, I ain't half bad so I'm sure nothing too bad will turn up in the coming year. This is a short conclusion too, I'll leave you with these words. Make sure to repeat them 10 times at least: if you say you're going to do something, then do it.
Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, and Post it!
Cheers, MarkL
Some of us have this notion that we think what real work is, but who are we to say? What I mean is, when you come home all tired from school and you exhale what seems to be your last breath and say "Time to relax with some TV" you're making such a monumental mistake. To be honest, I did exactly what I just described on a regular basis before so don't think that I'm judging any of you. I remember the day I stopped uttering those vile words very vividly surprisingly, it wasn't life changing but it did have an impact on me. It was the summer that I started my yard work operation, I'm pretty sure it was my second/third time working or so I believe. As I made the final walk to my home I thought to myself "Man, all that school shit isn't getting you tired. Even at this moment you don't deserve a break just cause you did some yard work. So what, you sat with your nose in a book for a couple hours means you're tired? Congratulations, that's called being a student." For that moment in time I realized what being tired was because that was the first time in months that I pushed myself to my limit, but not beyond (there's a difference). And so I try to apply this whenever I feel "tired". Try it, try questioning yourself when you just want to be left alone. Try getting to that point where you're just pissed at everything and you repeat to yourself "You did this to yourself, and only you can get out of this." Maybe that's not a reasonable thing to say at ANY moment, of course it goes on a case by case basis. But hell, that's what I've been facing lately and crawling out of the damned pit is only the beginning. The "pit" is simply a metaphor for a number of things: my education, lack of organization/management, carelessness, etc. Back to the work "conundrum" that I seem to be facing, and maybe you are too. Even with all the reading that I've been doing over the Summer, which honestly isn't a lot. I'm still not getting far with it all, and unless I buckle down for this year then I won't get anywhere. Every time I tell people about my Harvard plan they look at me through a different light. "Damn this kid has got his shit together if he wants to not only apply to Harvard but possibly make it." It's a personal goal and I only get 1 shot at it, whether I make it or not is something I'm getting very close to erasing from my mind as of this point. Uncertainty doesn't help in this situation especially, so I think to aid in my "purge" I'll start talking about it less and keep it on a need-to-know basis with the ones close to me. Don't expect status updates, this isn't exactly a weight loss goal. This is something that has the potential of changing my life and I don't think that bothering people with mind-numbing details helps anyone. As I stated before, I have no idea what real work is. I will most likely never know until I get down to it right? The reason I bring that up is to simply tell you: question everything about yourself. At least for the time being, while you have time to fix yourself do us all a favor including yourself and question you. Your habits, sleeping cycle, successes, failures, hobbies, etc. Am I doing the right thing? Are these the right choices? Hell you might even be ahead of schedule and turned your entire life around. In that case congrats, now get to it and keep excelling. With all this "work" I got left to do, I don't have a clue how I'm going to finish it. By that I mean I have no set timer or schedule. There's a lot of grey area when it comes to studying anything. Finished reading your Biology textbook? Read the University version. Finished all of that? Go read some peer journals. Done that? Go ahead and discover something yourself and write about it. The only limits that exist are the ones you instill on yourself. There's no checklist to go by, nobody to hold your hand and say you're doing a good job. So get out there and do something worthwhile. Not to the point where you come home and say "Aahhhh it was a good day." No, beyond that. What can possibly be past that you may ask? Well I can only assume that it is the following thoughts "What do I have left to do for tomorrow? How could I have done today's tasks better? Where did I go wrong today?" When you start questioning your "perfection" that is when the work comes. "Today is the day of the rest of your life" don't fucking waste it.
Ok so another thing I gotta cover, don't expect to move on by simply wanting to. In fact, don't expect anything in your life to happen by simply wanting it to. Hell, I want to become a model for this year's Fashion Show. But there's no way that can happen unless I look appealing to the judges. And you all know that my audition will entail one of the dumbest things you'll ever see. I don't even know what I'm gonna do until I get on that stage so stay tuned. Sure I may not have the body, but I can be one hell of a dance partner. I also can't expect to do anything with my life without trying a couple of new things here and there, or finishing my tasks for that matter. Back to the "moving on" part of this "paragraph". Doing it is very hard sometimes, whether it's a band that's lost you as a fan or someone you were close to but had to end it off for the better. And it'll suck sometimes, trust me on that. No matter how badly you want it to go away, it won't.........until you MAKE it. 3 very close people in the span of 365 days have left my life, and none of them wanted to. The circumstances at the time made it very hard for any relationship to exist, but that was the easy part to accept. What made it harder was moving on, at which point you come to a plateau in the midst of it all. Which is where I am right now actually, and not only because of those 3 people. But because I have had to abandon all sense of carelessness towards everything in my life. I used to be genuinely happy 24/7 and that was all that I needed. In my time of need I'd whip out one to two inspirational quotes and that would be my quick-fix method that made me forget all my worries. But once you realize how wrong you have been, once the illusion comes crashing down at you. There is nothing as crushing as that, or at least nothing I've experienced other than finding out the divorce of my parents. I can't say that I am satisfied with my life right now because I know I could be doing so much better. But I can confidently say I know what road to take and what goals I need to conquer in order to get there. It isn't that I'm in a bad place right now, no not at all. I just find myself thinking more about things that matter than things that don't. I wanted a simple life and so I set out to get it, I got it and now I find myself dissatisfied. And so now, I want a fulfilling life full of meaning. All I gotta do is go after it, that's a good place to start right? So whatever problem you may have, move the fuck on. I strongly urge you to reconsider what you are doing in your life if you aren't certain with it. And if you are certain with who you have become, then by all means keep going until you hit the inevitable speed bump.
Damn what was I going to write about? I guess this post isn't as long as what some of you may have expected. But I feel satisfied with it, for now of course. I will most likely write a post this coming Monday, seeing as how school starts on Tuesday and a conclusion to the Summer is best celebrated in a blog post. I set out to make it two months worth of self exploration, and all I have realized is that I've barely scratched the surface of it all. But that's what I like about it, there are plenty shards of my character that I am yet to discover. Then again, I ain't half bad so I'm sure nothing too bad will turn up in the coming year. This is a short conclusion too, I'll leave you with these words. Make sure to repeat them 10 times at least: if you say you're going to do something, then do it.
Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, and Post it!
Cheers, MarkL
