If you're tuning in just now, I thank you for hopefully being one of the 98
views last time I posted. I didn't expect to have that large of an outreach on
you all. It's nice to see that some of you still care. I have pondered on the
numerous of ways that I could have started this post, but I'll just write off
the dome. What will it be about? Will I give a sneak peek? No, this is one of
those posts that you'll just have to stick around long enough to find out.
Nonetheless this will be one of my more memorable posts, most likely more for me
than you because the following topics will be close to heart. Closer than any
movie I've watched and closer than any song ever written, even by me. This topic
has been around for years, 3 in fact. The suspense must be agitating so I'll
just hurry to it then.
What is the problem this time? Me. Plain and simple, I am the root of it all. I believe that problems only exist because we let certain things bother us. But how can one live with no problems? How can someone live with no worries or feeling of responsibility? Yes this is coming from the guy that has indulged in alcohol at such an early age and has slept with a girl much earlier than he ought to according to some. Not caring can only get you so far. Don't get me wrong, "The ones that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind" is a brilliant quote that refers to the individual's personality. But that's not what I'm getting at here. For the past 3 years I have developed my personality at an increasingly faster rate than I ever have. And it's all been steering towards the relaxed and carefree attitude. Look at it this way, my last post talked about "living". What the fuck do I know about life? I'm only 17. And I can tell you right now, I don't know jack shit about anything. I haven't been caring about my grades, home life, health, you name it I neglected it. It's gotten to the point where I wake up and instantly reach for the computer mouse. Clicking faster than my eyes can follow I have wasted entire days doing this. Oh yeah we're teenagers it's ok to do that right? It varies from person to person, but I don't want to do that anymore. I always talked about being genuinily happy in life, countless times in fact. But I haven't been, nor will I ever be unless I change. If you're still not getting what I'm saying then I'll just be open.
I FUCKED UP, BADLY. My marks are in the 50's-60's. My mom sacrificed so much to afford the apartment that we no longer can. We moved here simply so that I can get a good education, and I've been pissing it away for lack of a better phrase. I can blame it all I want on despicable teachers and terrible project partners, but that only gets you so far. At the end of the day it's all on you to get those marks. As much as I preached about it not being fair that I was being marked on what I'm not good at, well that's the romantic present that I'd like to live in. But as it turns out I can't even get a 90 in the subject I'm most passionate about: English. I don't read, I don't write diary entries anymore, the list goes on. Why am I venting all of this? To remind you that all I say on here are merely opinions. Much like a blank canvas, my opinion is subject to be layered or changed completely over time. Just as long as I'm willing to put the work into changing it, it shall. I remember distinctly writing posts dedicated to why I thought I was headed in the right direction, but I was wrong. Dead wrong in fact. All those events that happened to me that made me temporarily happy is all that they were: temporary happiness. And now it has all worn off because school is over and I'm left, hollowed out by my own carelessness. I have been doing too many things "just because" or "because I felt like it" and now I'm paying the price.
So what now? Well in order for all of this to go away I MUST change. There is no other way you see. It is very easy to teach people, but to learn is what is truly hard or at least harder. I can sit here all day and lecture you all on how you should live in order to be successful or to achieve your goals. But until I have gone out and done what I said then I have nothing to back my words. All the advice I give is common sense to me. Relationship gone wrong? Talk to him/her about it. It's really THAT simple for me. I don't look at scenarios or anything else, I simply take the present situation and find a solution. Good or bad doesn't matter to me, after all it's your problem. But that all changes when I'm the one that has to change. it's harder to take your own advice than you'd think. Considering the fact that I've given plenty of advice both in my posts and in person this should be easy right? Not in the slightest, nor do I want it to be. That's not what this is all about. I started this blog to document my journey through highschool. If I ignore all the hardships and responsibilities that come with the journey then I am simply in a plateau. Here's 1 analogy to end things off. I watched "The Dark Knight Rises" last night and Alfred the Butler brought a valid point about Bane up. Now, Batman does NOT fear death. If anything he welcomes it with open arms. Because of this he is fearless which takes a great deal of strength and is admirable. But at the same time, Bane fears death and so has that extra incentive to fight as if he was fighting for his life. There are 2 sides to this coin. Fight fearlessly and keep going until it all somehow ends, or fight with the fear of death to keep you from biting the dust. Why have I ended with this analogy? Simply, food for thought. I'll be back with more in the common weeks. I will also be going off th "grid" for the next few weeks, gotta start by rehabilitation someday right? If you need to contact me, you know where to find me. Hell use the comments even and we can chat there. Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, and Post it.
Cheers, MarkL
What is the problem this time? Me. Plain and simple, I am the root of it all. I believe that problems only exist because we let certain things bother us. But how can one live with no problems? How can someone live with no worries or feeling of responsibility? Yes this is coming from the guy that has indulged in alcohol at such an early age and has slept with a girl much earlier than he ought to according to some. Not caring can only get you so far. Don't get me wrong, "The ones that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind" is a brilliant quote that refers to the individual's personality. But that's not what I'm getting at here. For the past 3 years I have developed my personality at an increasingly faster rate than I ever have. And it's all been steering towards the relaxed and carefree attitude. Look at it this way, my last post talked about "living". What the fuck do I know about life? I'm only 17. And I can tell you right now, I don't know jack shit about anything. I haven't been caring about my grades, home life, health, you name it I neglected it. It's gotten to the point where I wake up and instantly reach for the computer mouse. Clicking faster than my eyes can follow I have wasted entire days doing this. Oh yeah we're teenagers it's ok to do that right? It varies from person to person, but I don't want to do that anymore. I always talked about being genuinily happy in life, countless times in fact. But I haven't been, nor will I ever be unless I change. If you're still not getting what I'm saying then I'll just be open.
I FUCKED UP, BADLY. My marks are in the 50's-60's. My mom sacrificed so much to afford the apartment that we no longer can. We moved here simply so that I can get a good education, and I've been pissing it away for lack of a better phrase. I can blame it all I want on despicable teachers and terrible project partners, but that only gets you so far. At the end of the day it's all on you to get those marks. As much as I preached about it not being fair that I was being marked on what I'm not good at, well that's the romantic present that I'd like to live in. But as it turns out I can't even get a 90 in the subject I'm most passionate about: English. I don't read, I don't write diary entries anymore, the list goes on. Why am I venting all of this? To remind you that all I say on here are merely opinions. Much like a blank canvas, my opinion is subject to be layered or changed completely over time. Just as long as I'm willing to put the work into changing it, it shall. I remember distinctly writing posts dedicated to why I thought I was headed in the right direction, but I was wrong. Dead wrong in fact. All those events that happened to me that made me temporarily happy is all that they were: temporary happiness. And now it has all worn off because school is over and I'm left, hollowed out by my own carelessness. I have been doing too many things "just because" or "because I felt like it" and now I'm paying the price.
So what now? Well in order for all of this to go away I MUST change. There is no other way you see. It is very easy to teach people, but to learn is what is truly hard or at least harder. I can sit here all day and lecture you all on how you should live in order to be successful or to achieve your goals. But until I have gone out and done what I said then I have nothing to back my words. All the advice I give is common sense to me. Relationship gone wrong? Talk to him/her about it. It's really THAT simple for me. I don't look at scenarios or anything else, I simply take the present situation and find a solution. Good or bad doesn't matter to me, after all it's your problem. But that all changes when I'm the one that has to change. it's harder to take your own advice than you'd think. Considering the fact that I've given plenty of advice both in my posts and in person this should be easy right? Not in the slightest, nor do I want it to be. That's not what this is all about. I started this blog to document my journey through highschool. If I ignore all the hardships and responsibilities that come with the journey then I am simply in a plateau. Here's 1 analogy to end things off. I watched "The Dark Knight Rises" last night and Alfred the Butler brought a valid point about Bane up. Now, Batman does NOT fear death. If anything he welcomes it with open arms. Because of this he is fearless which takes a great deal of strength and is admirable. But at the same time, Bane fears death and so has that extra incentive to fight as if he was fighting for his life. There are 2 sides to this coin. Fight fearlessly and keep going until it all somehow ends, or fight with the fear of death to keep you from biting the dust. Why have I ended with this analogy? Simply, food for thought. I'll be back with more in the common weeks. I will also be going off th "grid" for the next few weeks, gotta start by rehabilitation someday right? If you need to contact me, you know where to find me. Hell use the comments even and we can chat there. Read it, Learn it, Live it, Love it, and Post it.
Cheers, MarkL
